my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
