I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
