I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
sick fucks of a feather flock together
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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