I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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