My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
