Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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