Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
