ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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