Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
