At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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