Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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