dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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