I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
