fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
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so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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