Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
