You just made me feel so damn special
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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