My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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