I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it glows. i had to have it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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