I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize