I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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