Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
