I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
