I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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