I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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