Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
