I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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