just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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