Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
