I think I just saw someone hide a body.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
