i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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