drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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