What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
