I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I met the friendliest cop last night
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Randomize
