im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
