I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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