Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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