just tell him i said nine months
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
