She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize