i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
