my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we're making bets on your personal life
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
