STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize