i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
