cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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