The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
