i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
