You smell like a Billy Joel song
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
