with your own penis?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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