We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
