the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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