Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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