she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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