i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
