Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
