Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
