so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
