I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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