She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
