I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Houston, we have a blender
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
