No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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