everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
