I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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