I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
