Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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